I thought I had written about our anniversary earlier, but apparently I only thought about doing so. I've been writing entries all day today, trying to catch up a bit, so I'll keep this one a little short.

What sticks out about dinner (other than a small spat that we had early in the meal) was the vegetable dishes that we ordered along with our main plates: rosemary-ed fiddle-head ferns and stinging nettles. They were both very interesting. The ferns were tender and crunchy, but filled with a somewhat sticky juice (a little like okra). The juice made our tongues fill a bit funny - almost numb. The nettles were really tasty. They were dark green, cooked in a cream sauce in which mushrooms had been cooked, giving them a nice, woodsy flavor along with the sweetness of the cream. The nettles themselves had little flavor, but their texture was very thin and papery.

After we got over feeling guilty about arguing on our anniversary we noticed how the resteraunt was a little different than most. It was peopled by an older population - people with lots of money. They just had that demeanor.

We talked about an idea that I've been working on with my business partner, Kevin Yu. An idea for a new website, mixing the concepts of narrative and interconnectivity.

It was nice to get out of the house, away from the kids, and have an adult conversation with Toni. We've been doing that more regularly and our relationship has improved because of it. It's amazing how easily you can find yourselves distant in a marriage. With your focus on raising kids things slip a little further away each day.

Now that we've been going on more frequent date nights we find ourselves closing that gap a good bit each time. It's very nice...making our home feel a bit more cozy, which is what I like about this picture.

We parked in the parking lot of a new medical building near the top of the plateau then followed a small paved path down around the side facing the interstate. At that point we could've taken the long path winding it's way around and eventually to the spot where we usually picnic. Instead, we hopped the fence and made our way down the very steep hill-side for a bit of excitement (for Porter's and Fallon's sake).

After we played we went back up and climbed on some old logs that laid on the side of the hill in the background of this photo. Eventually, tiring of our picnic, we decided to make our way back to the car. For fun, the kids and decided we would climb the even steeper hillside directly behind our picnic spot.

Initially we did really well. The ground was very sandy, with lots of dry, dead leaves and small rocks. It was a bit slippery and slow-going, but Porter and Fallon handled it well.

We kept making our way up slowly, cutting back and forth across the hillside (which was probably no more than 50 or 60 feet tall. We made our way to a very large fallen cotton wood tree. As we climbed over it some of the bark peeled away revealing a small brown frog that had been sheltering beneath. Porter and Fallon thought it was really cool, though they were a bit distracted by the climb we had ahead of us.

As we kept moving forward their stomach for continuing shrank more and more. Though I encouraged them to keep going as we helped each other up, they soon couldn't go further.

At that point we were about 8 feet from the very top, but we were also at the steepest part of the climb. We rested in the middle of a cluster of medium-sized cotton woods all growing from the same base. Looking down the hill looked very steep. That, coupled with the uncertain footing, killed their confidence. Fallon got really upset and became very frightened.

Realizing that I wouldn't be able to convince them to keep going, I tried to comfort her as we caught our breath. Then we slowly made our way back down the hill.

They were both very releaved once we got back down to our picnic site - as was I. Though the climb was safe I was really worried that somebody would have slipped and the mere fear from the slip would have been a bit traumatic for them.

We made our way back around to the less steep part and began climbing back up the hill side, much more easily this time. Trying to turn our inability to make it to the top into a learning lesson I noted (somewhat awkwardly) how the climb up this less steep part was so much easier because we had tried the harder route earlier. I think they understood what I was talking about, but, nonetheless, mostly appreciated that this was a less-dangerous-feeling route.

At the top we were all a bit warm and had worked up a sweat (after being in virtual hibernation all winter). We drank our last bit of water then got in the car.

Everyone absorbed the cool air conditioning on our short ride back home, and I'm sure Porter and Fallon were thinking about our exciting hillside climb.

It was great to see how excited he was about them - insisting on wearing them the rest of the day. I could tell that he felt really cool in them and that they allowed him to be a bit more extroverted than usual - which was really nice to see too, given my own tendency to be introverted.

He wore them while playing in the playground across the street from our house and all of the girls in the neighborhood told him how cool and handsome he looked in them. Toni said he was beaming with confidence.

I shot this photo of him in our house later that afternoon. He had been dancing around in the living room with Fallon to something on the TV. At one point he went right up close to the TV and looked over at me. I managed to snap the picture and unintentionally captured the reflection of whatever it was on TV in his shades - kind of a neat result.

Porter and Fallon are fairly introverted, but I'm hoping that they'll outgrow it to some degree as they grow older. I know how difficult it was for me, particularly in my teens, being so introverted; and it is something I regret not being able to escape until so much later in life, now that I'm able to look back from a distance.

They have a couple performances coming up this summer: one for their yearly school play and another for a recital from the dance classes that they've been taking. Though they do fine in practice, they both (Fallon especially) are very hesitant to go on stage. Hopefully all of the practice will help and they'll won't be as self-conscious.

...the things we worry about and hope for as parents...

Despite the unpredictable (and getting-to-be-frustrating) weather this year we did get to do one really nice thing today as a family.

After removing my Microsoft badge and catching my breath, we headed down the street to Issaquah Valley Elementary (IVE) for Kindergartern Open House. The school is within walking distance of our house, just a few minutes down Squak mountain, a quick left at the light onto NewPort Way and maybe a hundred yards or so from there.

When we arrived the place was already buzzing with lots of eager parents and somewhat bewildered and nervous children. Porter has been adamant that he isn't going to go to a different school (from Prime Time Learning Preschool), screaming in response to Toni's attempts to get them used to the idea, "No, no, no, I won't go to a different school, I won't, I won't, I won't!" He does it in a kind of cute way, however; not like he's throwing a temper tantrum or anything - just rather matter-of-fact.

Fallon, on the other hand, has at least been open to the idea, though far from looking forward to it - still wary of the unknown, I guess. Regardless, they both seem interested at least.

So, I was a bit surprised when I got home to find them dressed, calm and ready to go.

Anyway...back to our arrival at the school. The teachers and helpers were all very organized. The provided a tour of the overall school: cafeteria, gym, art room, music room and the hallways. Then they gave us a tour of the library where Porter and Fallon nervously gave the lady at the check-in station there names. After putting a check by their names, the check-in lady asked them to go over to a big table and pick out a gift bag. Their littles eyes immediately lit up as their demeanor suddenly changed.

After getting their gift bag we all sat in front of a video projector for a small PowerPoint (of course) presentation on the contents of their gift bag. Essentially, it contained materials for helping to prepare your kid for the upcoming school year: a book on their ABC's (with an animal theme), a DVD of their teacher giving them instruction on each letter in the alphabet, and some other odds and ends. Toni and I thought the DVD of their teach was paritcularly thoughtful. All of this was provided to the school via a grant that the school's administration had applied for and received.

Shortly before going into the library, one of their friends, Misha, from the preschool showed up for Open House too. All three of them were so excited and immediately began chatting with each other.

After the library we were taken to their classroom where they again checked-in with a teacher and were given a purple check-list of things they should be able to learn over the summer before starting their first day: sing the Alphabet song, discern basic shapes, identify colors, spell their first name (starting with a single capital letter).

Outside of their classroom window was the playground. Porter, Fallon and Misha couldn't take their eyes off of it and kept asking when they would be allowed to go play. After marching them around the classroom a few minutes, trying to get them interested in the various learning aids, we gave up and let them go out to the playground with the other screaming kids.

Another little girl with glasses immediately came up to Fallon. You tell that there was an immediate bond by the look of recognition (of their glasses) in each other's eyes. Toni and I talked about it later and it made us very happy.

Porter immediately loosened up a bit and began playing around on the play set. He was a good bit taller than most of the other boys and took to climbing around on the play set like a monkey. For the most part, however, he stayed close to Fallon (or "sissy" as he calls her - she calls him "bubby").

Toni and I hung out with Misha's mom and chatted. As the weather was quite chilly we rounded the kids up after fifteen minutes or so and headed back inside. Walking down the hallway after letting out some tension, they now marvelled at all the art work done by the school kids, hung on the walls in the hallway. One particular group of pictures of made-up creatures really had them excited, and they asked me with uncontrolled eagerness what each creature was: catbird, grey-winged trumpeter (my favorite), black-widow bird and so on.

Afterwards, we headed to Round Table Pizza (my first visit) and had some piping-hot, super-cheap pizza. I have to say that it really hit the spot, though the inside of the place didn't live up to the commercials I'd seen on TV, so I was bit dissappointed in a silly way.

When we got home, Porter immediately broke out the magnetic letters from his gift bag and began organizing them on the refridgerator. Fallon joined him soon with her magnetic letters.

It wasn't long before they were playing and bickering...no longer the nervous/eager little students we witnessed earlier. I guess we shouldn't be in too much of a hurry, though, for them to mature. In a way it felt to Toni and I like this was the first big step to them growing up, which brought a weird kind of sadness and happiness to both of us.

We had been trying to see Avatar in 3D for the past couple weeks. Our attempt last weekend was unsuccessful after we discovered that the theater we had chosen here in Issaquah wasn't showing it in 3D. We were both really disappointed, but, since we had already bought our tickets, we decided to see another movie: The Book of Eli (which turned out to be a fairly good movie: great, really dramatic fight scenes and an interesting premise).

Last night we were deteremined to see Avatar in 3D. We drove to Bellevue in order to see the 9:00pm showing at Lincoln Square. Needless to say, we were both more than a little irate when, as we entered the packed underground parking garage, Toni noticed a sign stating that Avatar was sold out. We couldn't believe it. After all, the movie has already been showing for the last month or so.

We bought our tickets and breathed a sigh of relief, happy that we would finally get to experience what everyone else was talking about.

We passed the next hour and half nearby at The Cheesecake Factory, where I watched Toni eat most of an incredibly huge slice of cheese cake and drink and giganitc cup of coffee. I was still full from dinner at home so I had only a mediocre non-alcoholic brew.

We got back to the theatre at about 10:00 and a line was already forming for the movie, inside the theatre. After about 20 minutes they let us in and situated ourselves in a nice spot in the middle of the theatre.

Toni got a big laugh at how nerdy I looked with the black-framed 3D glasses. She especially liked it when I then began shaving off a rough edge on the injection-molded frame where it was to rest on the bridge of my nose, using my house key.

The movie finally started and we were, after a small build-up, almost immediately immersed in the astoundingly beautiful and very real-looking world of the Na'vi. Much of the scenery seemed indistinguishable from reality; and the 3D effect added immensely to the experience.

It was definitely an "experience"! Though we both thought that the Na'vi culture's over-done similarity to stereo-typical African tribablism severly reduced the story's "immersivity", the realness and beauty of the scenery and action easily overcame any story short-comings.

I think that both of us felt that the movie was somewhat of a historical event that was sure to change the movie industry for all future pictures, as the bar had clearly been risen to a whole new level. In addition, I can imagine that the experience we had might have been similar to what audiences felt when they watched the first "moving pictures". It really was amazing.

I wonder if also, similar to how we can't imagine how rudimentary the first movies must have been, our kids (and possibly even Toni and I) will look back forty years from now and remember how amazed we were by this rudimentary 3D movie experience.

This morning we went to Seattle to have Dim Sum with a friend of ours from Tampa, Lori Martini, that was visiting for a wedding. Fallon ate tons of noodles, while Porter gobbled down tons of little pieces of barbecued pork. We had a really good time visiting with Lori and the newly weds joined us too.

Of course, Avatar came up as a subject and we all talked about how incredible it was. She mentioned recent news reports on what's being called Avatar Blues. Apparently, some folks find coming back to reality disappointing after "living" in the virtual world of Pandora for a few hours. I can only imagine how this type of effect might be magnified as newer technologies and production techniques continue to raise the bar over the next decade. Again, this ought to be pretty amusing to recall ten or twenty years from now.

It was nice to get out with Toni and have a date. Getting back at 2a.m. in the morning did take it's toll on us today, but it was well worth sharing the experience.

So why a new Christmas tree? Our old one was quickly balding. Over the past three years we've bought a tree from a church located on Issaquah-Hobart Rd. They're very friendly, the kids enjoy standing by the fire the church keeps going each evening, and the money goes to a good cause. This year we decided to go with a different type of fir (I can't remember the name of it). It had much denser foliage and really thin, short needles. Unfortunately, it didn't weather the last few weeks very well. Ornaments were literally falling off the branches because the needles weren't able to hold the hooks in place.

Both of them are enjoying knowing the secret of what someone is getting for Christmas. They keep telling me that they have a present for me but that I can't open it until Christmas. They especially like it when I beg them to tell me what it is or to let me open the present now.

On other fronts this solstice...

I've moved into my new office in our organization's new location at the Microsoft Sammamish campus (here in Issaquah) last week. My commute is now only about ten minutes. It makes a huge difference - one I didn't appreciate until the actual change.

There could be other changes at work too, but I won't go into those now until I find out for certain within the next month. I will say that the changes should be very good.

Porter and Fallon are eager for Christmas. They give us little hints (well, maybe not so subtle) on occasion to make sure that we know what they'd like. We love talking about what we're (I mean Santa) going to get them. We can't wait to see their faces on Christmas morning. Part of me wishes they'd never get older and that we could experience through them the pure joy of Christmas as they know it for many more years. There's something about the unadulterated happiness they experience this time of year. I can remember when this changed one Christmas growing up in Crestview - something I think everyone goes through. We spend the rest of our lives after that trying to figure out how to look at Christmas from a different persepctive so that we can recapture the feeling, but the closest we can ever come is by experiencing it again through our own children's experiences. It seems a bit somber as I write this, but the whole thing is really quite spectacular when you think about it.

Toni didn't make it into the graduate teaching program that she was hoping to enter at the University of Washington. She was very upset about it. However, it may work out for the better. There's a great graduate teaching program at the University of Seattle that she's looking into now. It costs quite a bit more and seems to be much more intense. We're trying to figure out now whether the all day Saturday for two years option or the every day of the week (except weekends) for a year option is better. We'll see...

Next Monday we fly to Crestview to spend a week with my parents and family. It's been three years since they've seen the kids so it'll be great to be back.

Hope everyone has a wonderful holiday season and a Merry Christmas!

As time passed, having long forgotten about writing this entry, I wrote another similar entry on the technological singularity - this time almost a year later in June of 2008. I just read that entry again for the first time since I wrote it (about a year and a half ago). At the end of that article I mentioned that I thought the Singularity was a possibility.

Apparently, I'm slowly being convinced (and maybe convincing myself) that at some point technology is going to supercede our ability to control it. Today, I write another entry along this trend. This one is motivated by a research paper I read a few weeks ago titled TheCatIsOutofTheBag.pdf.

However, the paper was clearly given this title for a couple other reasons. I won't go into the publicity-related reason, but the other reason portends the importance of the breakthroughs they've made in their research: harnessing enough computer power to perform cognitive computing at this scale, and using diffiusion-weighted magnetic resonance imaging (DW-MRI) to "non-invasivley measure the human white matter network across the entire brain".

What this means is that they have developed a process by which they can easily "dissect" the human brain, learn about how it works, model it, and simulate it using a computer. The researcher's blog entry on the release of the paper is here.

It should be clarified that what they have NOT done is actually simulate a cat's brain. In fact, a number of other researchers, most notably at the Blue Brain Project have taken exception to the loose wording that has been used by the media in reporting on the IBM team's research paper release.

I read an article on the Blue Brain Project earlier this year, around the beginning of this summer. In many ways its an even more impressive project. The brains (the human brain, that is) behind the project is a man by the name of Henry Markram, pictured to the right in this entry.

If you have time this article is very much worth the read. It describes the potential of what Markram and team are working towards without getting you mired in the technical details. I've plucked a couple interesting quotes from the article and placed them below:

The Blue Brain project is now at a crucial juncture. The first phase of the project--"the feasibility phase"--is coming to a close. The skeptics, for the most part, have been proven wrong. It took less than two years for the Blue Brain supercomputer to accurately simulate a neocortical column, which is a tiny slice of brain containing approximately 10,000 neurons, with about 30 million synaptic connections between them. "The column has been built and it runs," Markram says. "Now we just have to scale it up." Blue Brain scientists are confident that, at some point in the next few years, they will be able to start simulating an entire brain. "If we build this brain right, it will do everything," Markram says. I ask him if that includes selfconsciousness: Is it really possible to put a ghost into a machine? "When I say everything, I mean everything," he says, and a mischievous smile spreads across his face.

In other words, the Blue Brain project isn't just a model of a neural circuit. Markram hopes that it represents a whole new kind of neuroscience. "You need to look at the history of physics," he says. "From Copernicus to Einstein, the big breakthroughs always came from conceptual models. They are what integrated all the facts so that they made sense. You can have all the data in the world, but without a model the data will never be enough."

Speaking about how Blue Brain is different from other approaches that have been used to study the brain, Markram notes: "But none of these methods allows us to see what makes the cortex so interesting, which is that it generates worlds. No matter how much I know about your brain, I still won't be able to see what you see."

...and my favorite: Once the team is able to model a complete rat brain--that should happen in the next two years--Markram will download the simulation into a robotic rat, so that the brain has a body. He's already talking to a Japanese company about constructing the mechanical animal. "The only way to really know what the model is capable of is to give it legs," he says. "If the robotic rat just bumps into walls, then we've got a problem."

When I think about the trajectory that we are clearly on with respect to technology, our understanding of the brain, and the potential we have to create something that is intelligent and possibly is even conscious, a couple things come to mind immediately. I wonder first what the world will be like for Porter and Fallon. They will most certainly be alive to see these wonders become reality. What will their lives be like. What kind of world will their children experience?

I think about how much this could change our world, our selves and society. We're taking these steps now but we really have no idea of the long term consequences, or, really, wher e they will lead. Are we indeed letting the "cat out of the bag" as I write this?

Lastly, I wonder whether I'll be alive to see these changes? Thirty years from now Toni and I will be in our 70's. I thin that our world even by then will be a hugely different place than where we are now. I can imagine that we'll still be alive by then, assuming we take good care of ourselves and each other. But will we have created a new conscious being by then?

I do hope that these new beings do exist in my life time. My first fascinations with computers (back in sixth and sevent grade - 1979/80) revovled around their ability to be used in creating alternate and virtual realities (text adventure games and video games). Part of that fascination was realizing the limits of technology due to the severly mediocre types of intelligence that could be simulated in these virtual realities.

From that point on I've always been interested in artificial intelligence; and over the past few years I've become even more interested in studying consciousness. I've often thought that maybe I should have pursued those fields and taken a different path when I was younger - something I've always kind of regretted. And now I see the incredible research that is being done and can easily see what it will lead to...I guess it's never too late.

Cognitive computing will certainly be at the forefront of the computing world for years to come. The products that could take advantage of these new technologies will do things that I could only dream of back in the early 80's.

As I write those words I can see how the Singularity concept could become a religion to some. It's easy to get caught up in the hopes and dreams of something different...totally different.

On the way home from the gym today he was unusually talkative. Normally we listen to the radio and he looks out the window or plays with a toy or something to entertain himself. This time, however, while driving back on I-90 East he asked me, "Daddy, what do I know?"

I wasn't quite sure where he was taking the question but I suspected that he was questioning himself and his abilities...maybe another kid had told him "you don't know anything" recently. (Thinking back, I should have asked.)

I told him that he knows alot about how to fix things, rock climbining, swimming, cooking, dinosaurs...and a few others. He replied that he doesn't know as much about swimming as the other kids and that he only knows about T-Rex.

I tried to bolster his confidence by assuring him that what's important is to just keep learning. It probably had little affect in helping him, though I do think that this is one of the more important lessons I've learned in life: nobody knows much of anything, and what matters is that you keep learning and stay confident in yourself. Next time I'll do a better job of getting the point across but to a large extent these things are learned over a lifetime through lots of painful (and occasionally good) experiences.

What was important to me in this case was that he asked me the question. It's little events like these that make me realize all the things that are going on inside of their heads that we don't think about as parents. Too often I think we can't imagine that these more serious thoughts are going on inside their young brains - maybe because we can't recall them (though I'm certain we all had them); but they are in there and occasionally they make their way to the surface. These are the times that I feel the closest to Porter and Fallon.

While Fallon was taking her horse lessons this summer, Porter and I decided to do a month of rock climbing lessons. I picked a place in Seattle called Stone Gardens. They started the whole indoor rock-climbing scene back in the '70's. It's a very cool gym, with lots of colorful characters running the place (in addition to the patrons themselves).

The lessons were for a month and took place every Monday from five to seven o'clock in the evening. I'd leave work an hour or so early, drive to Prime Time Learning preschool and pick up Porter, then head for the Ballard neighborhood in Seattle where Stone Gardens is located.

We had gone to Stone Gardens earlier that spring for a couple private lessons just to get familiar with the place. Porter really took to climbing quickly and seemed to have great instincts. His movements were really natural and smooth as he moved vertically and horizontally on the wall to find a good path. His second instructor prior to the official lessons beginning was named Lilly (coincidentally, also the name of the first horse Fallon road for her horse riding lessons). Porter really liked her.

We arrived for our first lesson about an hour early. So we went to a nearby botanical garden and the Ballard Locks to hang out. Porter really enjoyed watching the boats come in and the lock fill up. One of the lock attendants, during preparation for boat to enter the lock, gave Porter a high-five as he passed by on his way to secure some lines. Porter thought it was really cool that the man spoke to him.

When we arrived for our first lesson, he was already somewhat familiar with the gear and the environment. This helped since in the past he's been quite reserved around larger groups (much like me). However, this wasn't the case this time and he quickly scaled the wall and did all of the exercises that the instructors laid out for him - eagerly taking on each new challenge.

Despite this,however, the first few times we went he was still pretty quiet. On about the third lesson he let go a bit. During that lesson we had gone outside to climb the 65' external wall. He went all the way to the top without hesitating. My palms were sweating a bit as I watched him struggle a bit near the top, looking for the best hand hold, reaching for it a couple times, and then finally grabbing hold of it. I was very proud of him as he touched back down on the ground with a gigantic smile on his face. From his view at the top he was able to see part of Puget Sound and a good bit of Ballard.

Also during the third lesson he had the opportunity to do some "slack lining". With slack-lining they take a rope and stretch it a foot or so above the ground. Then the climbers practice walking back and forth on it. It increases balance and self-confidence. A couple older climbers in the class went first. Then the instructors asked him if he wanted a turn. Without hesitating, and to my surprise, he jumped right up and walked over. By that time a large crowd had gathered to watch the students.

A couple teenage girls from another class spotted him on either side as he slowly worked his way from one end to the other. Everyone clapped when he was finished and you could just see how proud he was of what he'd accomplished. It made me feel really good to see him be so outgoing.

On another day, we arrived quite early and decided to walk over to the Lock Spot Cafe for a bite to eat. It's a bit of a dive, but it has lots of character and the staff are generally friendly. We decided split a plate of the Greek fries and a couple Cokes. The fries were covered with oregano, olive oil and tons of feta. We both devoured as much as we could but still had a huge mound left over. We noticed a poster of The Deadliest Catch on the wall and asked our waiter about it. He told us that the last episode of the season had been filmed at the LockSpot. Pretty cool.

We put the remaining fries in a take out box and walked back over to the gym. Porter was ready for a good climb and you could tell how happy and relaxed he was, especially after the good meal we'd just eaten.

On the fourth lesson we went up stairs and did a little bouldering. When bouldering, the climber stays below about 10' and climbs without a harness. The entire floor area is padded, and there are low ceilings with hand and foot holds so that you can practice climbing upside down on horizontal surface. Porter tried this a couple times, but it simply took too much strength for him to be able to hold himself up for long - that and the instructors wore themselves out holding him up above their heads.

Later that same lesson we went outside and Porter got the chance to climb up to about 20' and let go, swinging really far out and back a few times. Then the instructor caught him, held him in place and spun him around. He went a little too fast and it scared Porter a bit. But it wasn't too big of a deal for him by that time. He was really feeling comfortable at this point.

Our last lesson arrived and I think we were both a bit sad for them to be completed. Porter and I had gotten a lot closer during the experience. I could also see Porter's confidence gaining tremendously as he learned and began to push his capabilities a bit each lesson. He also enjoyed working with the instructors (particulary the female instructors); and, just as much, we enjoyed the routine drive over to Ballard and passing time together before each lesson.

That reminds me...I can't forget about Taco Time. After every lesson Porter was especially excited (perhaps more so than for the rock climbing) to eat dinner at the Taco Time located just across the street from the gym. He'd ask execitedly when the lesson was finished "can we go to Taco Time now?" So, we'd turn our gear in, change shoes and then walk across the street to Taco Time. Our order would differ from time to time but we'd always get an order of "Mexican Fries" to share (or, as we called them when I was in elementary school, "Tater Tots"). Toni and I still laugh about how Taco Time would have the nerve to call them "Mexican Fries".

Regardless of the humor of it, Porter really loved the fries and gobbled them down with lots of hot sauce and salt (he's a fellow salt-aholic). In a way I found this particular Taco Time a bit depressing. It was always a bit empty, cold and way too quiet. The clientele was generally made up of local elderly people from a nearby retirement community and an occasional drifter. But somehow, with Porter's company and a hot meal after a good work out, the atmosphere fit, especially with our somewhat sparse conversation - usually about something we watched happening outside the resteraunt, or about what we thought Toni and Fallon were doing, about the lessons or, more frequently, just about the food we happened to be eating.

I printed out some large pictures of his experience at the gym for him and we put them up next to his bed and the dressing mirror in their bedroom. He was really proud to show Jonathan and Krystal his accomplishments (esp. climbing all the way to the top).

I also cleared some branches from a large Hemlock Fir in our front yard and then set up a 2x4 inclined from a lower branch to the ground so that he could practice walking up and down it, using a rope tied to a higher branch to help stabilize himself. One of the neighbor kids came over and made a snide comment about how dangerous it was to let Porter do this. I responded that Porter had been trained to do this kind of stuff and that it wasn't dangerous because he new what he was doing. You should have seen the look of pride on his face.

The second course was a recipe that I've been making for a couple winters now. It's a spicy-sour chicken stock-based mushroom soup. Fallon absolutely loves mushrooms. She was in the kitchen with me "helping" me cook by sampling the musrhooms as I sauteed them in butter and a little dry sherry. Porter also loves the soup, but more for it's saltiness and sourness. He gobbled it down at the dinner table with lots of the usual mmm-mmm's that he makes when he gets something to eat that he really likes.

The main dish was cornish game hens. I think it was a full hour and half between this course and the previous - which was good because we were all pretty full after the soup and appetizers. The hens were baked at a really high temperature with lots of rosemary-thyme herb butter, fresh lemon juice, salt and pepper. Porter and Fallon were at the point of telling us every five minutes that they were hungry by the time the hens were served. Needless to say, their grumpiness quickly dissolved as their bellies filled.

We served the birds with a new dish (I like to try at least one new dish for Thanksgiving). This one was from Mario Batali's classic Malto Italiano cookbook. I needed a good starch to go with the meal and decided on polenta. I was able to find a really good polenta recipe in Mario's book for anchovy-stuffed polenta sandwhiches. They didn't turn out so well. Getting the polenta to dry out and have a consistency appropriate for making the sandwhich "ends" was a bit difficult. On my first attempt (I tried to make them again the day after Thanksgiving) the polenta was too liquidy and gooey, and the anchovy filling was a bit too fishy-tasting.

On the second attempt, I actually froze the polenta sandwhich ends, used a different brand of anchovy fillets and added chopped, brinded green olives to the filling. They were fantastic! After the kids and I ate our fill, I took one outside to Toni where she was raking up leaves from our little square of grass in our front yard. The crispiness of the olive oil-fried egg wash along with the slightly soft inside and salty anchovy filling made for a great wintery weather snack. Fallon, our little seal, loved the anchovy centers.

We also served baked yams that Carole also brought over with the hens. Porter sucked down a huge helping of them. Soon thereafter, he when to bed on his own and fell fast asleep. Fallon, stayed up with the adults for a bit and watched a little TV (Harry and Tonto, which was being shown on PBS).

Our last course, dessert, consisted of miniature chocolate brownies and a chocolate, bourbon pecan pie. Unfortunately, after settling down in front of the TV for a bit, none of us were really that motivated (nor did we have enough room) to eat dessert. So we agreed with Carole to meet up the day after, around lunchtime, to try out the last course (which we did...and it was very good).

Porter and Fallon were both very excited the day or so before Thanksgiving. Porter kept asking about when Carole would be over. We couldn't quite figure out why they were so excited. I guess they were just looking forward to a big family meal and having some company over for dinner.

Fallon said she was thankful for bunska (her stuffed bunny snuggly) and Porter said he was thankful for Jonathan, his neighborhood friend across the street. Speaking of, Porter has his first unofficial girlfriend, Krystal, Jonathan's sister. She's a year or so older than him. He told Toni that he was going to marry Krsytal. I think he also made her a small token of his affection and give it to her.

Fallon has taken to putting on lots of little "events" for us. She'll usually arrange a bit of ballet, some singing, and occasionally a pretend meal. For the past few days she's been demonstrating her new ballet moves (that she's making up on her own). This is almost certainly going to lead to some sort of ballet or gymnastics lessons at some point.

I'm very thankful for Toni and kids. I'm especially thankful for all the little changes that kids are going through as the get older and mature.

The Duck Tour was especially fun (I personally, really like the Duck)...and everyone loves the Duck in Seattle. So as you ride around town purched up high in the amphibous vehicle people wave, smile and call out to you. It seems to draw the locals out of their usually reserved exteriors, giving them an excuse to be friendly and a bit silly.

Eventually the driver homed-in on John at one point of the tour (blaming him for causing the duck to hit a curb, sending Fallon out of her seat and into the aisle), and actually got him to go up front and take a good ribbing. It was all in good fun and everyone seemed to enjoy it.

We also had a big Sunday dinner. We cooked red beans and rice (using the recipe Hervey gave me years ago when we rented our house on Powhatan Avenue in Tampa), Boudin Blanc from Pike Place, and dirty rice (a really good recipe from Emeril). Carole, our next door neighbor, joined us for dinner and brought desserts (sponge cakes and ice cream). Cooking the meal was a group effort and everyone thought it was tasty.

Porter and Fallon had a great time with John and Sherri. They particularly liked John's silly joking. John and Sherri had fun with the kids too. They were particularly entertained when the kids both decided to come out of their shells and dance frenetically while we were in downtown Issaquah listening to a band playing on the street corner as we waited for our table to be ready at Jak's, our local steakhouse.

I also took John and Sherri on a tour of the Microsoft campus. We made a couple stops during the tour; one at the new Commons campus where the XBox team works, and another in front of some of the buildings that house our execs, so that we could get a quick photo of them standing in front of a garden wall with "Microsoft" on it in big letters.

John was totally enthralled with the Commons campus and I think I could detect a small glimmer in his eye as he imagined what it might be like if he were to one day create graphics for a software company. I sincerely hope he'll continue to pursue those goals as he certainly has the potential, skill and talent.

Since John and Sherri's visit overlapped Fallon and Porter's birthday we celebrated the kid's birthday. We had a big party at Madison Grove. I'll save that entry for later though. Needless to say, it was a ton of fun and we captured lots of photos and a good bit of video too (though I'm not promising that I'll edit and upload any video at this time).

It was a lot of fun showing them around the area and seeing them play with Porter and Fallon. I'm glad that the kids had a chance to see them again because Toni and think that it's important for them to have lots of opportunities to visit with relatives as they grow through the various stages of their lives.

Since my photo rarely appears on House Willis, and since John managed to capture a somewhat decent picture of me sitting on our front porch, I thought I'd slip the photo into this entry. We were all out enjoying the fall weather, watching Porter and Fallon play on their skateboard and scooter respectively...it was a great moment that I'll always remember.

We look forward to many more visits in the future, hopefully from other family members too.

And we especially look forward to having our parents visit again, preferably during the nice summer months this time...

Now that the weather has begun to change, the days are getting shorter and life is slowing down a bit, I have time to get a little caught up on my entries.

I've taken lots of photos this summer. This first catch-up entry will be about Fallon and the horse riding classes she started on May 3rd. It's been so rewarding to watch how she's grown this summer, slowly becoming more confident, less shy and more outgoing. The horse riding lessons and Marla (her trainer and the owner of the farm) have helped bring her out so much.

She's really taken to the horses, and though she still insists each Sunday before it's time to go the farm that she doesn't want to go, when her and Toni return she's absolutely glowing with energy. You can just see how satisfied she is with her new accomplishments from each class.

Her questions kept coming as the weeks went by, as she asked us over and over again what the horses names were and which one she would ride. Finally, the day arrived for her first lesson.

We arrived at the farm a little before 10am on May 3rd - a Sunday. It was very sunny outside and quite warm for this time of year. Madison Grove is the name of the farm. The owner and only trainer is named Marla. She's a younger woman, very friendly and outgoing; and you could immediately see that she worked really well with children - especially shy ones.

I think we were all a bit timid as we approached the gate and saw all of the big horses. They were all different colors and a few different types. Marla quickly explained that Willow wasn't in the best mood that day and that Fallon would be riding Lilly, a beautiful fawn-colored Tennessee Walker. Fallon, having studied all the different kinds of horses, immediately recognized the name. Marla went over the rules and showed us around. She then brought out Lilly, and, ever-so-slowly introduced Fallon to her. She brought a stepping stool around and some horse brushes then let Fallon brush Lilly. I think Fallon was so in awe standing next to this large horse that she couldn't quite get her arms to move. She brushed Lilly very slowly and lightly, a bit afraid of brushing too hard maybe. Marla showed her a few times and eventually she relaxed a bit.

Then, it was time to put on her riding helmet, enter the corral and begin her first ride.

Marla took very small steps and progressed quickly with getting Fallon to feel more comfortable riding Lilly. She had her do small exercises like turning to put one hand and then the next on Lilly's flank. She walked with Fallon around the corral slowly, talking to her and getting her to focus less on herself and more on what she was doing - growing less self-conscious.

Before too long she was able to ride and keep her balance without holding onto the saddle horn. Each time around Fallon smiled a huge grin with her eyes almost closed from squinting. Toni and I had really enjoyed watching her have such a great time on the horse. We could also tell that Marla really knew what she was doing, not only with the horses but with Fallon. By the end of the lesson we were completely convinced that the lessons were the right thing to do.

Fallon's still taking the lessons and continues to really enjoy herself. She's probably gone a dosen times now, and with each lesson we can see her confidence grow. Nothing us makes us happier than to see her so pleased and interested, and realizing something that she dreamed of doing.

Porter, of course, tolerated the entire expedition. He was moderately interested and did ride a bit, but he's still going through a shy stage. Toni mostly takes Fallon to the farm now, while Porter and I take advantage of the time to do "guy" things. Later I'll relate our experiences with some lessons that we began taking him to in June.

Eventually, Porter became bored and went back into the house, but Fallon stayed out with me and picked wild flowers that were growing on the hill side - one of her favorite things to do.

It was so poetic. I was completely shocked and it almost brought tears to my eyes. A few days later I remembered to tell Toni about it, and she had the same reaction.

Fallon has this weird propensity to do these kinds of things on occasion. She'll say or do the most - for lack of a better word - poetic things. It completely takes you back when she does it, and you suddenly find yourself questioning your current priorities and just enjoying the moment.

Speaking of growing, Porter and Fallon are developing right along. Fallon's been getting better at her painting and drawing, recognizing and writing her letters, and counting. Her vocabulary is really impressive too. The other day she told me that something was "disgusting", and she's been using lots of other relatively big words.

Porter's been getting better at his counting and letters too. And of course, his mechanical skills keep getting better. I've also noticed that he's been getting better at figuring problems out. We have a leak in the drain for our upstairs shower and he's been throwing out all kinds of hypotheses for why its leaking and suggesting ways to fix it.

Porter still loves to latch onto certain toys - sometimes unusual ones. A few nights ago he took a plastic shark toy, another toy I can't recall, and big hunk of coral to bed with him in his bunk. He got under his covers and then leaned over and whispered sincerely, "goodnight shark, goodnigh coral...". We spent a good bit of time today playing with his new toy dragon (which, of course, loves to eat horses).

All of these things form such great memories of our times together. In a way they're bitter sweet since these types of experiences will change as they grow older and wiser, losing some of their innocence. However, I also know that there will be plenty of other experiences to enjoy, especially as they become more mature and easier to relate to.

Who knows what the future will bring our family. But here's to hoping that it's all positive and we stay together as a happy family.

I recently turned forty one (about a month ago). So, I thought this might be a good opportunity for a bit of introspection, keeping in mind the reason this site exists...

First, about this picture of me. This photo was taken by Porter while we sat eating lunch with our friends Debbie and Eric Bedgood (and their kids) from the Tampa Bay area. At the time we were sitting in the Seattle Center. In the background played live accordion music, as it happened to be "The Day of the Accordion". Somehow it seemed to capture the quirky Seattle culture really well, adding to our appreciation for the Pacific Northwest with guests from out-of-town.

I had a bit of a realization in the last few weeks, that I'm never in any of the pictures or video footage on the site. I guess this is a bit of a gap, considering that the kids would never get to actually see what I looked like because of it. This is one of the things I've been thinking about: my place in House Willis and, in particular, the fact that though I might be narrating, I'm all but absent to some degree. So, hopefully as Porter and Fallon take greater interest in photography/film, more pictures that include me will start showing up here.

Though I've overcome some significant hurdles in the past year or so (I'll get into this more later) I also can feel for the first time in my life a bit of aging. There are visible signs of course - a bit more fat around my waist, continued receding of my hairline, thinning hair around my crown, a few gray whiskers in my beard, more wrinkles around my eyes - but there are also the beginnings of some not-so-visible signs...mental in nature. For example, I don't remember things as easily. In part I think this is because the way that I experience things has changed over the years. Events that would, in my youth, be very stimulating to me, now seem to take place in a less-than-exciting light. Therefore, the degree to which they leave an imprint seems lessened. This isn't to say that life is dull. In fact, I'm kind of happy that everything isn't so stimulating or stressful. But the things that seem to stimulate me more tend to have much greater stakes now.

My priorities in life have also changed a bit. I tended to be much more focused on having a good time when I was younger. I felt that I was entitled to having a good time, in a way. I was also much more self-centered (though I think I still am a bit selfish) and emotionally immature - I tended to have a very short temper.

Now, I feel that life is about much more than being happy. In fact I feel now that happiness should be much more balanced with struggle. In a way, happiness is no longer The Goal. My focus tends to be longer term...much longer term, really.

Though I've always enjoyed reminiscing, when I think about the past now it seems to be put into a larger perspective - a perspective I kind of wish I had when I was younger. I can see how the way things worked out and how the person I am today was shaped by my experiences and the events that make up my life story, so to speak. I can also see the value of these experiences and I regret not valuing them more when they were happening...even the painful experiences. I can see that things that worried or frightened me, really weren't a big deal in retrospect; and I can see how that fear prevented me from living as fully as I should have lived.

I should qualify that in seeing how these fears impacted me that I'm not really sad about it. It's some other feeling, but I'm not quite sure how to describe it. Instead, I tend to be more focused on teaching Porter and Fallon how to be less afraid (if that can be taught).

I mentioned earlier that I've been able to overcome some large hurdles in the last year or so. The largest hurdle actually relates to the fears I had while growing up. For whatever reason from about the fifth grade on I was horribly afraid of public speaking (for that matter, speaking to individuals too). I can remember an experience in fifth grade where this seemed to become more evident. Our class had been given an exercise by our teacher (Miss Howell) where each of us was to write a poem and then read it to the class. I couldn't come up with anything as hard as I tried so I copied a silly nursery rhyme instead. I recall my mother warning me that it was silly and that I shouldn't copy it. Of course, when it came time to read it I felt completely ashamed and broke down crying. Miss Howell brought me up to her desk and helped me read it through through my sobbing. I was completely embarassed.

Fifth grade was a rough year for a number of reasons. I think my fear of public speaking and general shyness became exacerbated by the challenges I faced that year and the self-consciousness that developed because of them.

This fear continued on throughout the rest of my schooling. I recall a few distinct events over the years:

An oral report in English class at the end of ninth grade: I was extremely nervous as I watched from the front row as everyone else gave their reports. I never did mine. An oral report for Psychology/Sociology in eleventh grade: ironically, my report was written on the topic of fear. I refused to present it. A Civics oral report in twelfth grade: I don't think I even wrote the report this time. Paticipation and presentation in my Mechanical Engineering Design project in college: I simply dropped off the team I was on and didn't participate. Later, I dropped out of the class.

I simply didn't know how to overcome this fear, and it was the one thing throughout my youth and early adulthood that completely prevented me from being more present in life. Though I largely out-grew my shyness during my mid-twenties, the fear of presenting plagued me until quite recently.

Working at Microsoft has been an incredible experience. One that has enabled me to achieve huge amounts of personal growth. The company makes a concerted effort to foster and realize this kind of change in every individual. It's really quite amazing. And this is how I was finally able to overcome my fear of public speaking.

Through my job I've had tons of opportunities to speak up during group meetings. It took a while at first, but I soon realized that having the perception of confidence was all that it took. I could still be totally afraid on the inside, but if I spoke with confidence then everyone else would perceive that I was confident.

Eventually, this outer shell of confidence became the real thing. I actually have real self-confidence now. From there, I began learning how to express my ideas in the form of presentations. I learned the importance of preparation prior to presenting, in order to help not only build confidence but to know what I was going to say. At first, it took quite a bit of preparation. Now, I can speak more dynamically, in a more natural voice.

I started presenting to smaller groups, at meetings and such. Recently I presented to a hundred or so; and, for the last year, I've been presenting on a regular basis to senior executives, including semi-monthly presentations to Microsoft's CIO.

What I've learned from this experience over the years is that fears can sometimes grow into self-defining components of your life if you don't know how to overcome them. I hope that I can help my kids and future Willis generations learn how to overcome their fears before those fears ever become self-defining. The feeling of satisfaction that I have from conquering this one thing has been probably the greatest thing I've been able to acheive to date.

So, what else might help me describe what it's like for me to be in my early forties? My relationship with Toni has improved. I tend to have more self-control, particularly over my temper. Little things don't bother me as much, and I tend to let the little irritations not get under my skin - I'm more tolerant. This has done wonders for our relationship, in general.

The other big realization I've had over the past two or three years is that when I look at the particular people I admire for there achievements (peers as well as more famous people) I now understand that getting to where they are was a struggle - it didn't come naturally. They may make it look like it came naturally, and they may even relate their experience in a way that makes it seem very easy, but the reality is that they struggled. This is important because so often when I was younger I would give up because I was struggling. I thought that since I was struggling that it just wouldn't work (whatever it was that I was attempting to accomplish). Now, I obtain huge satisfaction out of taking large visions and working to make them a reality. They are still a struggle, but I at least I know now how to make things happen.

Many of these things are lessons I could have learned when I was younger...much younger. I hope that by putting this out hear for my kids to read, it will be one more source (beyond my immediate guidance) to help them as they grow up.

This is what middle age is like. I don't know whether my parents went through this in the same way, or what specific experiences they and my family had as they passed this point in their lives, but I do know that my kids and theirs will know now.

At this point in my life, that thought gives me great satisfaction.