June 1, 2008
So Quiet
This weekend started like most others. We talked about going kite flying with the kids on Saturday, I picked up a few items at the grocery store for a big Sunday dinner, and we generally began settling in for a relaxing couple of days. However, it's been anything but relaxing, despite being so abnormally quiet in the house as I write this.
I won't go into details on the kite flying expedition so that I can save that for another entry. But we had a great time and the kids really enjoyed their first kite-flying.
Later that afternoon, after arriving home, we took a nice nap, woke up, and had a light snack. I let Alby out of his crate, he eagerly greeted me and then ran into the bedroom to visit Toni.
Toni had to run do a couple errands, so the kids and I worked in the kitchen, prepping for Sunday dinner. After getting everything ready, we headed outside to play, and instead ended up pulling weeds in our Japanese garden.
Soon Toni returned, came up to the garden to see our handy work and say hi, and then went into the house to put away her things. A couple minutes later, however, she came back out with a very concerned look on her face. She explained that Alby was laying on our bed and that he didn't look well, and that he couldn't stand up.
I went in to check him out and we noticed that his breathing was very shallow, his pupils dialated, and his gums were cold and white. His jaw was clenched tightly so I opened his mouth and noticed that his tongue was very purple. He was so lethargic, and I realized quite suddenly that he was almost dead.
Toni grabbed the phone number for the emergency vet and I called to let them know that I was bringing him in immediately. He lifted his head as I picked him up and carried him to my car where I laid him carefully in the back seat and comforted him.
As I drove away Toni asked me to call and let her know how it was going. I dreaded that call, because I knew almost for certain how this was going to end.
Porter and Fallon were very agitated and concerned about what was going on, and I did my best to explain that Alby was sick and that I would take him to the doctor to get checked out.
I talked to Alby on the way to the vet, and occassionally turned around to check on him. His breathing was still very shallow, and seemed to be getting even more laborious, with an occasional deep exhaling - each one sounding more and more like his last.
As I neared the intersection of I-90 and Hwy 900 I heard an exhale that sounded different then the others...very final, and I knew he had just died.
When I stopped at the intersection I turned around and shook him. He laid there motionless. Nor did I see his chest moving.
Traffic ahead of me pulled away, and I spoke his name a couple times, fully knowing that he wouldn't respond, and tears welled-up in my eyes. A few minutes later I arrived at the vet's office and parked. I got out and walked towards the door then back to the car. I looked at Alby laying there...totally lifeless. So weird and unlike his usual child-like self I thought. I wasn't sure what to do. But, in the off chance that he was still somehow alive, I walked in to the vet's and tried to say something to the receptionist but couldn't get anything out as I tried to hold back my tears.
She guessed that it was Alby and that he hadn't made it, so she got a technician to go out to the car and check. The technician examined him thoroughly and confirmed that he was no longer alive. He apologized and offered to get a box/coffin for him, which I accepted.
As I drove back home, I ran through the scenario in my head. Toni called me on the way, and asked how it was going. I numbly stated that he was dead. She immediately gasped in shock and began crying. I heard the kids (having undoubtedly seen Toni's reaction) in the background begin asking anxiously what had happened and what was wrong. Toni couldn't respond so they became even more agitated. I told her to take care of the kids, and that I'd be home in a few minutes.
As I drove home I decided that we should bury him together. I pulled up outside our house and took a deep breath, trying to compose myself for the sake of the kids. When I entered the house Fallon and Porter were clinging to Toni and everyone was crying. I joined them and tried to comfort the kids, but they kept exclaiming that they wanted Alby and that they didn't want him to die.
The sun had begun to set by this time so I stood up and asked them to get some of Alby's favorite things together and that we would bury them with him when we all said goodbye to him. I then left the house to begin digging his grave.
I chose a level spot about 30 yds up the mountain-side in our backyard. Alby would often run up to this spot to explore, any chance he got to escape the house. There I dug a small hole about two feet deep until I ran into rock. I returned to the house to get Toni and the kids. By now they had calmed down quite a bit and nobody but Toni and I were still crying.
We all walked up the mountain-side to the burial spot. Alby was still in his coffin. I explained to the kids that we would lay Alby in this hole and that we should say goodbye to him, tell him that he was a good dog, and place his toys with him.
I placed the top of his cardboard coffin in the hole and then placed a blanket on top of that. Then I laid Alby carefully on top of the blanket. We all knelt down and talked to Alby as we pet him one last time. Porter asked whether this was like what we did with Slippery, their pet salamander that had died a couple weeks ago.
We then laid a second blanket over his body and Fallon asked that I then place his green rubber (supposedly indestructible) ball on top of the blanket next to him, which I did.
I shovelled most of the dirt and rock back into the hole, over him, until he was completely covered. We said one final goodbye and then made our way slowly back down the mountain-side, through the Japanese garden and the shingled cedar gate, over the front patio, and into the now suddenly very quiet, empty-feeling house.
The picture in this entry is the last photo I took of Alby, in September of 2007, on the day we celebrated Porter's and Fallon's 3rd Birthday. This entry is only two entries after the entry I had made in April to celebrate his eighth birthday.